I'd never done it before, but I am pretty good at FPS games and no stranger to running around in the woods or physical activity. For most of the people in our little group, it would be the first time as well. Only two had done before, including my significant other Fictition.
I was pretty good at rolling around in the dirt and hiding and shooting while running, but it turned out the best thing I was good at was developing enormous ugly bruises in all the places I was hit. Unforunately, we were playing on the same field with 3 greasy teenagers whose every weekend was spent paintballing, practicing, or futzing with their expensive equipment in some way. I could make an easy double-entendre here about all the ball-handling and ball-play that goes on in their lives, and I just did.
They had the 'pro' coveralls, helmets, and multiple refill- pods strapped to their backs. They were also incredibly sore losers when the ref called one of them out, arguing trifles and sulking. They were about 15-16, and possessed of a level of melodrama that would have put the 8th graders I once taught to shame. When one was called out he came and sat next to myself and a mother, put his head in his hands and looked crushed. When the mother complimented him with 'You guys are really doing good!,' he stoically looked at her and could barely utter a throaty response. 'No we aren't. We should be better than this.' As if Kane or Master Splinter were about to walk out of the scree at the edge of the course and demand an explanation for their bitter, bitter failure. I could imagine him later on that night lighting an incense stick so that his mighty warrior ancestors would not weep in the afterlife at his failure. What lame-o's.
Anyhoo, here are some of the bruises I got from my paintball encounter.
Mmm, purply goodness!
The first here was shot from 'illegal distance.' Basically, when you are 10 feet or less from someone you're supposed to shout 'bangbang' to prevent them receiving any actual damage. I was playing in a long sleeve shirt and I was probably about 11 feet away, but I still got a nasty welt. That hurt like a mad bastard for a few days. I had a deep tissue ache, the kind you get from lifting your max weight as the muscles have tiny tears, and the bruise wrapped all the way around my arm!
If you look closely you can see another welt on my collarbone, on the right side. Getting shot stung and was definitely unpleasant, but it only hurt for a little while. It was actually better than getting a shot with a needle, because with no anticipation you couldn't get nervous and apprehensive. All the adrenaline roaring through the bloodstream helped temper the feeling, too.
That chicken wing needs a little more sauce!
Here's one on my thigh. I had ten in all, but I'm only posting a few so you get the gist of it. I'm short, so that's why my leg looks funny and stumpy. I also don't tan or go outside in the sun much, if you can't already tell. There were more on my calves and one on my ankle.
Ooooo, my underwear on the web at long last!
The worst one was on my back. The ref took a look at it and then checked everyone's guns, to make sure the pressure wasn't turned up too high. I didn't even know I had it until someone pointed it out after I took off my long sleeved shirt; the welt on my arm hurt far more. I think this was when the 'ballboys' turned a corner, spotted me, and covered my side with shots. I looked like I'd lain on my side in orange paint. Their raging, hormone-addled brains were probably confused by the fact that I was female and knew how to roadie-run and combat-crawl, and took out their repressed hatred for all the females who wouldn't respond to their sweaty advances with extended squeezes of the trigger finger. If you look on the left, you can see another smaller welt, AND my self-designed tattoo. I'm a scorpio, in case you were wondering. Looks like I need a touch-up.
Overall I enjoyed paintball. I had a great time, got a great workout and had wonderful fun with my friends. Paintball done correctly (safely, with safety equipment and isn't a bunch of idiots in tanktops and sunglasses running around in the woods) is one of the safest sports according to studies done by insurance companies, reporting the least amount of serious injuries. I think in the proper situation anyone can enjoy it, not just young or active people.
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